You were the best thing your mother and I ever made.
Buy yourself a house, son. Put those boots on first.
And I hope to God you turn out to be a warmer man than I knew how to be.
— Dad."
Chapter 4: Frank's Side
I couldn't speak for a long time after I finished the letter.
Frank sat with me at the kitchen table, in the quiet, and slowly he gave me back the father I thought I'd never had.
"The beer and the fishing gear," Frank said. "You want to know about that? The beer was the cheapest brand the store carried. That 'new' fishing rod he came home with? He bought it secondhand off me, twelve dollars, so he'd have a reason to sit by the water and think. He wore the same two coats for fifteen years."
Frank shook his head.
"Everything he had went into that account, son. Everything. He ate like a man who owed money to the world. I used to tell him, 'Ray, buy yourself something, the boy thinks you're spending it on yourself.' And you know what he said?"
I shook my head.
"He said, 'Good. Let him think I'm selfish and learn to rely on himself. He can find out I wasn't after I'm gone, when it can't make him soft.'"
Frank's voice cracked.
"He was the proudest father I ever knew, and the worst at showing it. He came to your high school graduation, did you know that? Stood in the back by the doors because he said he didn't want to make it about him. Cried the whole way through. Made me promise never to tell you."
I thought about all those silent dinners.
All those nights I lay awake hating the man in the next room.
And him, in that room, lying awake too — worrying about me, saving for me, loving me in the only cramped and frightened language he had.
"Why you?" I finally asked Frank. "Why'd he leave the box with you?"
"Because he knew himself," Frank said. "He knew if he kept it in the house, he might lose his nerve and give it to you too early, before you were ready. Or worse — he was scared he'd die with it still hidden and you'd never find it. So he gave it to the one person who'd make sure it reached you no matter what." Frank put his hand over mine. "He trusted me with the only thing he had worth more than money. The truth about how much he loved you."
