I told myself that it was normal.
Families were busy.
I was always the first option.
After my husband died, I struggled for years to feel like myself again.
***
Then one Tuesday morning, I stood in my kitchen looking at a wall calendar covered with other people's plans.
- My grandson's soccer tournament.
- Melissa's dentist appointment because I was watching her daughter.
- A reminder to transfer money to David.
Nothing on that calendar belonged to me.
I struggled for years.
And I suddenly realized I was 69, and I'd spent most of my life waiting for "someday."
Someday we'd visit Italy.
Someday I'd see Japan.
Someday we'd go to Australia.
Someday I'd sit in a café in Paris and order something I couldn't pronounce.
Robert and I had talked about traveling after retirement.
Then he got sick.
"Someday" ended before it started.
I'd spent most of my life waiting for "someday."
I made a major decision.
I sold the house and booked a trip around the world.
My children reacted as if I'd sold a national monument!
"You're being selfish, Mom," Karen said.
"What about the grandkids?" Melissa asked.
David was worse.
"You're seriously going to waste all that money traveling?"
I made a major decision.
Then Eric snapped and said something I still remember perfectly.
"That house was supposed to stay in the family."
I stared at him.
"It's my house."
He didn't like that answer.
***
When I refused to change my plans, Karen and David blocked my number!
That hurt more than I let anyone see.
But I stuck to my guns, anyway.
He didn't like that answer.
I told myself that while I could still walk through airports, carry my own suitcase, climb stairs without asking permission from my knees, and explore, I would see what I could.
I wanted to do that one thing for myself.
